Is That Poop?

There was poop on the bathroom wall.

Not a stain – or a smudge – but an entire meatball-sized turd stuck right on the tile.

I have a sick sense of humor, so I waited for the lines in the bathroom to clear and took a photo for anyone who wouldn’t believe me. I declined to tell the managment as I wouldn’t want to deny anyone the giddy horror that comes with finding such a thing.

This deeply saddened me; I have been going to the Allwood Theater since the days when it was the only movie theater in Clifton - way back when its only competition was the beautiful Franklin Theater in neighboring Nutley - before the evil monster that is the Clifton Commons came lumbering into town and trampled over its much smaller but far more inviting competition.

I must, however, try to stay on track. This is not about my ambivalence towards the Clifton Commons. It’s about my ambivalence towards the Allwood Theater.

The Allwood Theater is located near the Bloomfield Ave. Exit on Route 3 - just beyond the Allwood Circle. It’s located near restaurants, an ice cream shop, and a bakery - perfect for pre and post-movie treats. Parking is rarely a problem.

Usually the only other people at the theater are middle-aged moms on a night out and “on-the-fringe” middle-schoolers who don’t want to run into the “cool” kids over at the Commons.

I love going to the Allwood on a Friday or Saturday night: It’s never crowded. You don’t have to show up early for tickets (only $7.50), fight for parking, wait on line, or get forced into the first row.

I like to try and support this theater as much as possible. As a former athlete, a huge fan of sports movies, and a true American, I feel it is my duty to root for the underdog. But as a journalist I also have to be honest.

The medium-sized movie house has been split into six different theaters. If the film you choose is playing in either theater One or Two, your biggest problem will be the sticky, popcorn-coated floors (which is such a waste, because the popcorn is super-yum). But if your cinematic adventure takes you to theaters Three though Six, you will find that each venue is smaller than the next. Sitting in the tiny theaters is a lot like sitting with a handful of strangers in the world’s most uncomfortable living room – if, in fact, there is anyone else in the theater. I often find myself going for a private screening.

There is one bright, sunny spot for frugal patrons with questionable ethics. On weeknights, I have found that there are no ticket-takers manning the entrance. Although I (nor this site), neither condone nor recommend this kind of reprehensible behavior - I’m fairly certain an immoral movie-goer could make his or her way into the theater free of charge.

— by Ali Hanford
Ali is managing editor and a co-founder of GoOutJersey and lives in Essex County. She has lived in NJ her whole life.

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