A Refuge From Fun And Werewolves

As I see things, there are three reasons for you to go to The Basement:

1. You are a moron.
2. You work there.
3. Your car broke down at the front door / It is the only building with lights on / You are being chased by a werewolf, and need a place to seek refuge.

I get the feeling that this is one of those bars that might need a second opinion from another writer on the site, but—for now—you are stuck with me. I have been to The Basement three times; I root for it, because I went there semi-regularly when it was called Spinnin’ Spirits and was a half-bar/half-laundromat hybrid. It closed and, after a brief period of collecting dust, a group of new owners redecorated, plugged in a jukebox, mounted a flatscreen TV, and set down a fluffy red leather couch.

The result? A maddeningly plain bar.

But let’s start this off listing the positives of the bar, just so you don’t think of me as a heartless bastard with some kind of grudge that will slowly reveal itself over the course of the review:

–the female bartenders are very pretty
–…and nice
–the picture on the flatscreen comes through clearly
–the toilets flush
–there are no wild animals running loose
–um… nobody has ever died there as a result of alcohol poisoning (as far as I know)

Seriously, this is getting difficult. The Basement is just a bad bar in a bad location with a bad layout and a bad crowd. If there is any other element you can think of in judging the worthiness of a bar, just put the word “bad” in front of it, and you have an instant understanding of this place. The drinks are overpriced, and this is only exacerbated by the fact that the bar is themed like a basement; just like any room in your apartment…which you could be drinking in right now. As you sip your $6 beer and sit by yourself in the empty bar, you have a moment of clarity: I should go home, where it is also empty and I also have a TV and music. I could spend six dollars for SIX beers, and then I won’t have to listen to these people at the bar –who are obviously the owners or friends of the owners –fellate themselves over how great this bar is.

People go to bars to get away from certain things (like the cluttered apartment and nagging girlfriends [or boyfriends! - Editor's Note]) or to be closer to things (like hot girls from Kearny and a pool table). The Basement offers the polar opposite of these needs. You get away from an empty apartment to go to an empty apartment. The only difference is that The Basement is a pricey empty apartment that is populated by cocky condescending regulars. And this has happened all three times I have been there.

There is probably not much of a lifespan for The Basement. Every new customer who walks through the doors immediately hits a wall of self-absorbed regulars, and will be turned off two sips into their first martini. This can be easily ignored in a larger bar, but not in a tiny room with a couch and a TV, where the homey feel is quickly squashed by the feeling of being an outsider the minute you walk in.

The Basement
306 Park Avenue
Hoboken
(201) 683-5405

— by John Busco
John Busco, originally from upstate NY, has been living in NJ for several years, and currently calls Hoboken home.

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