For those of you who are not born-and-bred New Jersey natives, there may be some confusion, some pre-conceived notions, about our home. It is for you, dear non-local readers, that I have developed this guide to understanding the mores and idiosyncrasies of the state and its people. Journey with me as I discuss, debunk, and explain a number of the most common stereotypes about New Jersey.

#1: “New Jersey is ugly! It’s full of factories and it smells funny.”

That, dear friends, is the Turnpike. It does have its share of factories, and yes, it reeks like burning tires. But please do not let this image be a representation of the entire state. It may seem like cruel, cruel irony that our nickname is the Garden State, but get outside of the urban areas and you’ll see a surprising amount of green. We boast a wide variety of fruit and vegetable crops, and a few wide swaths of forest still remain from the days before housing developments. If you look hard enough, there are scenic hiking trails, unpolluted lakes, and other delights of nature. Even the beaches have been cleaned up in recent years. Go! Explore! Frolick!

#2: “You guys are all in the mafia.”

First of all, while there is a high concentration of Italians in the tri-state area, I would like to point out that the populace consists of a wide ethnic mix across the entire state. But speaking about Italians specifically, no, they are not all in the mafia. Some of them are, though, and most of them know someone who knows someone, at the very least. So don’t mess with them, just to be on the safe side.

#3: “Your state is nothing but one shopping mall after another.”

Well, yes, for the most part that’s true. We do have a very high geographical concentration of malls. However, outsiders don’t usually see that this is actually a virtue. If you are a picky shopper, you will never have to worry about not being able to find that perfect item. Within a twenty- or thirty-minute driving range, you could have access to as many as five or six malls, each boasting a slightly different collection of stores, price ranges, etc., ensuring you will find exactly what you need (bonus, no sales tax on clothing in NJ!). Plus, going to a mall turns shopping into an event, complete with dining, people-watching, and window-shopping at stores you can’t afford to buy stuff in, if you so choose. Twenty points if you nail a pedestrian in the parking lot.

#4: “You talk funny!”

Again, depending on your perspective, this statement might prove true. The thing most outsiders don’t understand, however, is that there are two main sub-groups of accents, and neither one of them sounds like you think it does. People who live in northeast New Jersey have an accent similar to, but distinct from, New Yorkers. Those in the central and southern part of the state are strongly influenced by Philadelphia. Others, including residents of beach towns to the southeast and farms to the northwest, tend to sound more neutral. And I must drive this point home: No one who lives here says “Joisey.” No one.

#5: “Boy, you sure are rude!”

You’re damn right we are, now get out of my face! This is another stereotype of New Jersey that can be true, but deserves an explanation. You see, people who live here tend to be passionate about a lot of things. We never shy away from a debate or an argument, and we don’t appreciate people who make fun of us, talk down to us, or get in our way when we are in a hurry (which is always). We react quickly and vehemently to anything construed as such, so try to avoid confrontation unless you are prepared for a fight (verbal or otherwise).

On the other hand, that passion and fire also means that we are very loyal, ready to defend the people we love at the drop of a hat. We also have a great capacity for everyday kindness and compassion, even toward strangers. It’s not unusual to hear a story about a group of NJ high school kids traveling to the South to help re-build after a hurricane, or a passerby on the street comforting a car accident victim until help arrives. Just don’t take advantage of our kindness or we’ll kick your ass.

#6: “Your system of roads is impossible to navigate.”

True, unless you already know where you’re going. This is how we keep non-locals in a state of confusion – we made up that whole “turn right to go left” thing just to mess with you. But if you insist, I’ll give you some tips. First of all, never try to get somewhere you’ve never been on internet directions alone. You will get lost. Have someone who knows the area look over your Mapquest printout and let you know about roads that don’t really exist, bends and forks to watch out for, etc. Second, if you are driving slowly to look for signs or street numbers, please stay to your right, for your own safety (see point #5). And most importantly, if you have to drive somewhere like Newark or the Oranges, bring a seasoned veteran or a guide dog or something, because getting lost there is like climbing the Himalayas without a sherpa.

— by Nicole Little
Nicole, GoOutJersey's associate editor, is a Nutley native and recent Weehawken transplant. She loves dining out and imposing her opinions on others, which makes her a well-qualified reviewer.

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