Q&A with the Jersey Waitress
Honest Answers from Our Favorite Server
1. Does it mean anything when I order my fries well done?
It definitely means I’m going to roll my eyes at you. I currently work at a place that serves shoestring fries that are very similar to Burger King’s. It most likely means that you’re going to get your fries either the same as everyone else’s or so overcooked there’s no actual potato left – just a hollow, crispy coating of near-char. If that’s how you like it, then good for you. But have you ever considered that if that’s how you like your french fries then maybe you don’t actually like french fries? Maybe you should look into a new side dish.
2. If you’re having a bad day, what are some things I can do to keep you from hating me as your customer, and how do I make requests (like “more pickles please!”) without you spitting on them?
I have no problem with fulfilling requests as long as you’re respectful about making them. It’s my job. Servers don’t just go around spitting into people’s dinners all willy-nilly. The only time I get irritated is if you:
a) Make a new request each time I come back to the table to fulfill the last one. For instance, if you ask for a side of pickles and I ask, “Does anyone else need anything?” everyone should sit for minute and think, “what do I need?” and not send me back to the kitchen 8-10 times.
b) Act like a total bitch for sport. For example, one woman sent me away from her table when I asked if she’d like dessert, only to complain to the manager seconds later that she wanted dessert and I was nowhere to be found. Then, as I went back to her table to get the order, she shredded napkins onto the table and requested that I clean up the mess. She received a very special beverage that night.
c) Regularly come in and ask for everything you can get for nothing or next to nothing and then tip less than 15%.
3. I feel required to tip 20%, so if I want to show the waitress I disapproved of her service, what’s the best way? Tipping less may just indicate I’m a bad customer, if she’s clueless.
First you should try to sort out if the service was bad because of the server, or because of circumstances out of her control. Did the drinks take too long? The bartender could have been chatting with customers and ignoring her while she waited for your rum and coke. Was the food cooked improperly? If you saw her write down your order, it’s most likely that it was the fault of the kitchen. Give your server the benefit of the doubt and gauge how well/poorly she dealt with remedying the problems (keeping in mind that, if you don’t like the food, a) she didn’t cook it, and b) if you eat half of it or more, there’s nothing she can do to help you. Complain right away.)
If you determine that she is indeed an incompetent server, don’t feel compelled to tip 20%. She didn’t earn it. But don’t stiff her, either. I generally leave 15% for poor service (I suppose if you generally tip 15% then you could leave 10%) and then either fill out a restaurant-supplied comment card, or casually mention the problems with my dining experience to a manager or hostess as I leave. Just keep in mind that if you start demanding free things as compensation for your poor experience, no one is going to take you seriously.
4. I know non-hygienic practices such as unwashed hands, old food, and roaches are probably an issue in every restaurant. What can I do to get the least-gross dining experience possible?
Bugs and Vermin: If you see any signs, leave immediately.
Manhandling: Your side salad was probably taken out of a bin by your busy sever’s hand and tossed onto a plate. Don’t order that. If you send back your food because it has an ingredient on it that you didn’t want, I’m just going to pick it off, wait around for a few minutes, and bring it back to you. Just pick it off yourself.
Freshness: If you walk into a restaurant and smell fish, the fish is starting to get old. Don’t order that. If you’re going to order some kind of sliced deli-meat sandwich at a place that doesn’t look particularly busy, it was probably sliced a day or so prior. Also, a slow restaurant’s soup of the day, in reality, is probably the soup of the week. Keep in mind that the server should be trying to push all items that are near expiration, so asking me what to get probably isn’t your best bet.
5. Why must you always ask me how the food is when my mouth is full?
That’s not actually my intention. Ever stop to think that if you weren’t shoveling food into your face at the pace of a hungry prisoner, I might actually have an opening to ask you while your mouth wasn’t full?
6. The day’s specials: a fancy ploy to get rid of stuff in the kitchen, or actually worth ordering?
That’s a tricky question. It’s both. Sometimes we have somewhat regular specials which the chef is really proud of and is considering adding to the menu. Sometimes it’s a way to get rid of a surplus. The food can be delicious either way. Use your judgment and if you have an honest server, they’ll tell you what’s what.
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