Screw Yonkers! Stay in NJ
Has everyone else seen the commercials for Empire City? The young, happy, attractive couple takes the quick jaunt up to the Yonkers Raceway and wins fabulous jackpots from newly-added slot machines before the older, less attractive, and angry couple makes their way through traffic and down to Atlantic City.
I like money AND fun almost as much as I hate traffic, so my friend and I decided to venture out of my beloved home state in order to take a daytrip to Empire City, where I once again learned the harsh lesson that advertising can be deceiving.
We arrived after some confusion involving the directions As we drove out of our way to avoid the valet parking and over to the non-pay area, we were greeted by the smell of horse poop and the sight of Yonkers Raceway.
We hustled to the shuttle stop because, like all the other slot-playing casino patrons, we’re a little chubby and a lot lazy and couldn’t be bothered with walking the dozens of yards to the building.
Once inside, there was the melodious ringing of machines clanging in the air. Overweight and elderly people were everywhere. Waitresses bustled around with drinks on their trays and slot machines ranging from one-cent minimum bets to a dollar were everywhere.
The penny slots were mostly taken so we found two seats at the two-cent machines. The waitress came over with only soft drinks on her tray and we took two of the complimentary beverages. Within minutes, my first $20 was lost and I slowly came to the realization that I hate slot machines.
There’s no action. There’s no strategy and it sucks down your money like I suck down a cocktail. Oh, and speaking of cocktails…YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THEM.
It costs $3 for a warm plastic cup of what tasted like Coors Light that had been carried around by some waitress for God-knows-how-long. Then when I went to the bar for a vodka, I was charged $7 for one of the weakest alcoholic beverages I’ve ever tasted.
In order to keep ourselves from losing our money too quickly, we alternated between long-shot betting on horse races and feeding the slot machines. About two hours and 150 bucks later, we took the cash we had left and headed upstairs to the the Lillian Russell Café for dinner.
The curse of poor service that has been plaguing me in NJ since the start of this website followed me up to NY. The hostess forgot to give us menus; the waitress served the table that sat after us before taking our orders; our drinks never came, and our food (appetizers and entrees) was served all together and incorrectly. And to top it off, the bread our sandwiches were on was stale, the meat tasted old, and the meals were generally bland and disappointing.
Maybe it’s just the luck of the Jerz but I’ve never left Atlantic City as a loser. I kind of rock at roulette. There are a ton of restaurants within walking distance of any casino so the food usually doesn’t disappoint. And there’s a beach, outlets, Pat’s King of Steaks, and hookers. A few hundred slot machines at a racetrack does not a casino make.
If I want to do any serious gambling in the future, I’ll deal with the long drive down the shore; if I need quick fix, there’s always the Meadowlands Racetrack. It’s close, it’s good cheap fun, and it always makes me feel pretty. (I promise, if you’re under 30 and have all of your teeth, you’ll be one of the best looking people there!)
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