Review: Lee’s Hawaiian Islander
Where Themed Food Goes to Die
Before I visited Lee’s Hawaiian Islander in Lyndhurst a few weeks ago, I had driven past it countless times, pondering its facade. It’s a huge, very orange, windowless building right smack dab in the middle of residential River Road, with a big sign that says Lee’s on top of it. Faux palm trees decorate the structure. What, I wondered, is this anomaly of a building? I never ventured in, though, because there was something inherently creepy about it. But co-editor-in-chief Ali and I were feeling adventurous one night, and we decided to see for ourselves what mysteries the interior held.
When you walk into the restaurant, you first see a tiki bar, complete with that grass skirt-type stuff hanging from above, little twinkly Christmas lights all over everything, and palm tree murals painted on the walls. The dining room leads off to the right, and that’s where you’ll find the real atmosphere. Booths along the perimeter feature giant Polynesian (I guess) masks, tiki wood walls, and more Christmas lights. One whole side of the dining room is a “rock wall,” with water trickling down from some unseen source above. “Lee’s” is spelled out in yellow flowers.
The thing about all this décor is, I get the feeling it looked really nice approximately thirty years ago. Something about it gives off a dejected retro vibe, a unique Hawaiian getaway of yesteryear that needs a fresh coat of paint and new fake flowers. The place was mostly empty when we arrived, and we sort of expected the wait staff to be falling all over themselves to serve one of their few customers. On the contrary, our waiter took our order in a perfunctory, half-disinterested manner, while his boss scolded him about goodness knows what.
The menu offers a number of cocktails with intriguing names, such as Flaming Virgin, Fog Cutter, and Love Potion. Descriptions of the drinks are nowhere to be found. So, in the spirit of adventure, Ali and I each selected something we had never heard of and hoped for the best. While we were getting ready to order our food, I surveyed another patron’s dinner out of the corner of my eye (a rude habit I have when I’m hungry). I couldn’t help but notice that one of the customer’s items arrived at the table engulfed in flames! I decided I too wanted fire at my table, so I ordered a random chicken dish with “flaming” in the title.
At last, our drinks arrived. They were appropriately tropical in flavor, topped with various combinations of pineapple chunks and maraschino cherries. I got the vague sense that some alcohol may have been involved in their preparation. On the plus side, I got to drink out of some kind of tiki man-shaped tumbler.
When the waiter dropped off our food, I couldn’t help but notice my meal was not in any way on fire. It was just a couple of chicken breasts, doused in sweet and sour sauce, served over rice. A token pineapple slice lay forlornly at the side of the plate. Ali’s meal, while satisfying, was also nothing to write home about. We may as well have stayed home and ordered Chinese.
Maybe to be fair I should go back and try something more Hawaiian. But frankly, the place creeped me out. And one final note, in case Lee’s wasn’t weird enough, the restroom looked like it had been lifted straight out of an elementary school girls’ room – mini toilets and all.
Lee’s Hawaiian Islander
768 Stuyvesant Ave
Lyndhurst
(201) 939-3777
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